Can't Breathe Without You
by WinterSky101
Summary: It's a normal quest with Arthur, Merlin, and the knights. Which, of course, means that everything goes entirely wrong. Gwen/Merlin/Arthur.


**This has been in the works for a ridiculously long time, but I finally just sat myself down and finished it. There really aren't enough Gwen/Merlin/Arthur fics around, so I felt it was my duty to add to their number.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.**

* * *

It all starts on a basic, run-of-the-mill quest with Arthur and his knights.

Merlin is being dragged along, as usual, and he assumes that he'll save Arthur's skin at some point, as usual. He sighs at the thought. It's not that he minds saving Arthur, or even that he minds not being able to get credit for it; far from it. He's just constantly worried that he won't be able to save Arthur this time, worried that this will be the quest where he's too late.

"You alright, Merlin?" Percival asks. Merlin jumps.

"I'm fine," he replies, realizing he's fallen behind and nudging his horse to go a bit faster and catch up to the others. Percival follows him, and Merlin knows he's got a worried frown on his face, even though he hasn't looked back yet.

"Alright, Merlin?" Elyan calls. Merlin wonders what his face looks like, since two of the knights have already asked him how he is.

"Fine, Elyan," Merlin calls back. Gwaine smirks.

"Was our drinking last night too much for you?" he teases. And that's probably the reason Merlin looks terrible enough to have the knights asking after him; he's a horrible lightweight and these three dragged him out drinking the night before, insisting he needed to have "fun." Merlin's idea of fun is apparently quite different from that of Gwaine, Elyan, and Percival.

"I'm fine," Merlin repeats, pushing his horse to go up to the front of the group, where Arthur and Leon are riding. Arthur looks over at him and scoffs.

"You look terrible, Merlin," he tells him bluntly. Merlin fights the impulse to stick his tongue out at Arthur in response.

"Thank you, sire," he replies in a heavily sarcastic voice. Leon chuckles. For a moment, Merlin thinks Arthur will say something else, but he doesn't.

"Are we almost there, Leon?" Arthur asks instead. Leon nods.

"We should be there before sunset," he replies. Both Arthur and Merlin automatically look to the sky. The sun is dipping down, close to the horizon. Merlin just wants to make camp and sleep, but knowing Arthur, it won't be that simple.

"Good," Arthur replies. "From what we've heard, most of the incidents occur at night anyway. We'll make camp outside the village and see what happens."

"Of course we will," Merlin groans. A representative of a small village came to Camelot with complaints of strange happenings, suspecting sorcery of some sort. Normally, Arthur and his knights don't go and do this sort of thing personally, but they had nothing else to do, and the knights were getting bored with the lack of action. The last thing anyone wants is Arthur's ragtag team of knights (especially Gwaine) getting bored, considering the destruction that normally follows, so they took the quest, mundane as it is, and started traveling to the village to see what's at fault for the mysterious events. Merlin is personally hoping for someone else with magic, so he can sneak away and try to negotiate with them before Arthur can find them. On the other hand, if Arthur gets there first... Well, Merlin will do all he can, which is really all that anyone could expect from him.

"That's the village," Leon says, pointing at the horizon. Merlin can see a rapidly approaching collection of houses and buildings. He also notices the woods around the little village, where someone could easily hide out. Arthur seems to have the same thought as Merlin.

"We should check the woods," he tells Leon. "We'll do it tomorrow, once it's light. For now, we should wait and see if anything strange happens."

Almost as if Arthur's words are a cue, the wind picks up speed and starts to whip around the little town with incredible force. The trees are rustling as if they're alive. "Sorcery," Arthur says grimly. Merlin was right, not that it does him much good.

Extending his magic, Merlin feels the center of where all of this is coming from. "I think I see something over there," he calls to Arthur, galloping off before Arthur can protest. Whoever's casting this spell is in the forest, on the outskirts of the town.

It doesn't take Merlin long to find them. It's a sorceress, chanting as she works her magic. "Stop this!" Merlin yells. The woman, who can't be much older than thirty, looks up at him.

"Who are you to stop me?" she retorts. "I will destroy this town, and you are powerless to do anything about it."

"You don't have to do this!" Merlin replies. He's losing his hope of reaching the sorceress with every word. He _hates_ when this happens. "Why are you going to destroy this village?"

The sorceress smiles wickedly, a truly terrifying sight. "Why not?" she asks, raising her hands higher. Merlin feels the wind pick up. "They hate me and fear me. Here's reason for them to do so."

"You could help them, then they wouldn't hate you!" Merlin argues. The sorceress scoffs.

"They will always hate me. Your kind, the ones without magic, you can never understand." The sorceress smirks. "Not that you'll have the chance to figure it out. I place on you a curse of your own making."

"What?" Merlin asks, a bit panicked. He wasn't expecting this part.

The sorceress grins, but it's a feral look and she shows far too many of her teeth while doing it. "Goodbye," she tells Merlin, then a blast of magic hits him and sends him flying off his horse. All of the air is forced from his lungs as he hits the ground, his vision spotted with black. Almost immediately after he falls, Arthur and his knights come bursting out of the trees, and as powerful as the sorceress is, she's no match for all of the knights together. Arthur is the one who deals the final blow, stabbing his sword straight through the sorceress' heart.

"Merlin!" Arthur calls once the sorceress falls, hurrying to Merlin's side. Merlin would answer, only he can't quite catch his breath enough to do so. Arthur puts his hand on Merlin's shoulder, and it must be coincidence that Merlin feels he can breathe more easily after that.

"Are you alright?" Arthur asks, frowning. "What did she do to you?"

"She said she cursed me, but I don't feel any different," Merlin replies, a bit confused. Arthur helps Merlin to his feet.

"Well, we stopped her, and that's the important part," he replies. He lets go of Merlin's hand and suddenly _Merlin can't breathe_. He struggles for air, but the path from his mouth to his lungs is blocked and no air will come in and he can't breathe, he _can't breathe_ , and his fingers scrabble at Arthur's sleeve and Arthur turns and grabs his shoulder-

And air, sweet air soars into Merlin's lungs and he can breathe again, and all he can do is gasp lungfuls of air until his chest doesn't burn anymore.

"Merlin!" Arthur is half-shouting. "Merlin, what's wrong?" The knights look panicked behind him.

"I couldn't breathe," Merlin gasps. "I couldn't breathe, Arthur."

"Are you alright now?" Arthur asks, and Merlin knows he's worried, even if he's pretending he isn't. Merlin nods; air is going into his lungs without a problem. Arthur lets go of Merlin's shoulder and Merlin's eyes go wide and concern is immediately visible in every line of Arthur's face but Merlin can't think about why because he can't breathe again and his lungs are screaming for air that they can't find and no matter how much he tries to gasp, it's like his throat has seized up and won't let air pass and Merlin doesn't know why but that doesn't matter he just needs to breathe again-

"Merlin!" Arthur shouts, grabbing Merlin by his shoulders and gripping them tightly. And once they're in physical contact again, air slams into Merlin's lungs and it's a blessed relief, the ability to breathe. Arthur gently leads him to a spot to sit and presses him down, staying in contact with him.

"Are you alright, Merlin?" Arthur demands. Merlin waits before answering this time.

"I'm fine now, but when you let go..." Merlin is embarrassed to admit the weakness, but he knows he has to. Anyway, it's not as if he hasn't been weaker in front of Arthur and the others before. "Whenever you let go, I can't breathe."

"So you can only breathe when I'm touching you?" Arthur asks, sounding dubious. "Why?"

"It must be the sorceress' doing," Gwaine puts in. Merlin jumps; he'd almost forgotten about the other knights, and he certainly hadn't noticed them getting so close. "She had just done something to you when we arrived, Merlin."

"She said she put a curse on me of my own making," Merlin says, sure he'll never forget that, considering what happened after.

"A curse of your own making?" Arthur asks, not sounding entirely convinced. "So, what, you can't breathe unless I'm touching you?"

"Don't be so full of yourself, you prat," Merlin scolds. "It might not just be you."

"Let's test it," Leon offers. He puts a hand on Merlin's shoulder. Arthur takes his hands off Merlin and pulls away, and once he's no longer touching Merlin, Merlin can't breathe again. Arthur grabs his arm almost immediately.

Merlin tries it again with all of the knights, just in case. Merlin really hates not being able to breathe. Suffice to say, it's just Arthur.

"So, now that we know I'm not just a prat that's full of myself, _Mer_ lin, we should figure out how this is going to work," Arthur declared, shooting Merlin a dirty look. "And we should figure out how to reverse this spell."

"Well, we killed the witch," Gwaine says, sounding almost apologetic. "So she can't tell us anything."

"Gaius knows a bit about magic," Merlin offers. "He might know how to reverse this. Or maybe it'll just go away on its own." He knows it probably won't go away on its own, but if he reverses it with his own magic, that's the excuse he'll use. Then again, Merlin's not quite sure how he'll be able to use magic as long as he's forced to be in contact with Arthur. He just hopes they don't get attacked; he'd value Arthur's safety over his secret any day, but that doesn't mean he wants Arthur to know about his magic. Merlin would prefer not to be burned at the stake, thank you very much.

"Well, what are we going to do about it until it goes away?" Arthur demands with an annoyed look. Gwaine grins wickedly.

"I suppose you'll just have to stay in contact with each other until it does," he replies. Merlin's breath almost catches at the thought, but he's still breathing normally while Arthur's hand is on his shoulder, so the spell hasn't changed its rules.

"Great," Arthur groans. Merlin tells himself he isn't hurt by the reluctance in Arthur's voice.

"So will you two be sharing a horse?" Elyan asks with a smirk. Arthur's jaw sets.

"Yes," he retorts. Gwaine snickers. "It's not a laughing matter, Gwaine," Arthur snaps. As if to make his point, he stands and takes a step forward, losing contact with Merlin, who is immediately unable to breathe again.

"Sire!" Leon shouts, grabbing Merlin's arm himself, calling Arthur's attention back to Merlin.

"Oh!" Arthur puts a hand on Merlin's shoulder immediately, allowing him to breathe once again. It's strange; Merlin should be alright for a few seconds, even without air. But his lungs are starved the second Arthur lets go of him.

Sometimes, Merlin really hates magic.

"We should find a place to make camp and sleep," Percival suggests. Arthur nods.

"Right. Gwaine, Elyan, go find a good place to sleep. Leon, Percival, go tell the people in the town that we've killed the sorceress. Merlin and I will stay here for the moment." All of the knights nod. Gwaine and Elyan leave their horses and walk off to find a place to camp. Leon and Percival both mount their horses and ride off in the direction of the village.

"That was really very stupid of you," Arthur states conversationally once they've all left. Merlin frowns.

"What?" he asks, feeling as if he's just dropped into a conversation halfway through it. Arthur sighs.

"Going off against the sorceress on your own. You could have been killed."

"I didn't know you cared," Merlin replies with a cheeky grin. Arthur rolls his eyes.

"Yes, well, now I have to make sure you don't die on me-"

"It's not like I _asked_ to be cursed!"

"-Which is not how I planned for this outing to go."

"Outing?" Merlin repeats, raising an eyebrow. "You make it sound like we're on a picnic. We came out to hunt and kill a sorceress. It's not exactly an ideal date."

"Oh, shut up, _Mer_ lin," Arthur retorts. Merlin smirks. Arthur cuffs him on the head, but he does it more gently than normal. It still hurts; Merlin hit his head when the sorceress blasted him off his horse. He doesn't say anything to Arthur about it, though.

"This is really irritating," Arthur says after a moment. Merlin makes a face.

"It's not like I'm exactly _enjoying_ this either," he retorts. Arthur huffs. "After all, I'm the one that has occasional bouts of asphyxiation," Merlin adds.

"And I'm doing my best to prevent that, aren't I?" Arthur retorts. "Anyway, you're the idiot that ran off to confront a sorceress with no backup."

"Dollophead," Merlin mutters. Arthur cuffs him on the back of the head again. "Ow!"

"What on earth possessed you to go after that sorceress without any of us there?" Arthur asks. Merlin shrugs, giving Arthur his most innocent smile.

"I'm an idiot?" he offers sarcastically. Arthur nods.

"I suppose that does explain everything," he replies. Merlin rolls his eyes.

The knights return soon after that, Leon and Percival carrying food that the villagers had given them in thanks for killing the sorceress, and Gwaine and Elyan with news of a place for them to sleep. Merlin and Arthur awkwardly keep in contact the whole time they follow Gwaine and Elyan. The clearing they've found is larger and has the added bonus of a small stream running through it. Arthur and Merlin set their bedrolls down next to each other, still awkwardly keeping their shoulders together or something of the sort. "Oh, forget it," Arthur mutters at one point and Merlin nearly jumps about fifty feet as Arthur's fingers entwine with his. They're _holding hands_ , and Gwaine lets out a whistle that's immediately stopped by the frankly terrifying glare on Arthur's face.

"I want you all to know that I will not abide any teasing," Arthur states in a low, dangerous voice. "As ridiculous as it sounds, Merlin's life depends on us being in contact. It's not a joke, and I won't take kindly to you treating it as one." Arthur's glare rests on Gwaine for a half second longer than everyone else.

"Lay off, Arthur," Merlin murmurs, laying his free hand on Arthur's arm. "Frankly, I'd be more concerned if Gwaine weren't making jokes."

Arthur doesn't look happy, but he doesn't say anything else. Gwaine does his part too, keeping his mouth shut and giving them minimal glances.

"I can prepare the food," Percival offers, to Merlin's surprise. "It'll probably be easier for me to do it than you, Merlin," he adds, gesturing vaguely at Merlin and Arthur's current predicament. Merlin has to admit he's got a point.

"Thank you, Percival," Arthur states. "Elyan, can you and Gwaine collect firewood?"

"We're on it," Elyan replies immediately, grabbing Gwaine's arm and dragging him off.

"Leon, can you tend to the horses?" Arthur asks. Leon nods and crosses to where they tied up the horses.

"You know, normally I do all of that," Merlin remarks. "I think we should get the knights to help out more often."

Arthur scoffs. "I'm just having them do it because I don't want to get dragged around with you." He sits on a log, yanking Merlin down to sit next to him. "Don't be lazy, Merlin."

"You just-!" Merlin sighs. "You're incredible, you know that?"

Arthur smirks, apparently ignoring Merlin's decidedly uncomplimentary tone. "Good to know you're finally caught up on things."

"Prat," Merlin mutters. Arthur ignores him.

"Any ideas about that curse?" he asks. Merlin frowns, forcing himself not to panic. Arthur doesn't _know_ , he can't know.

"How would I know?" he retorts. Arthur shrugs.

"Gaius always seems to know a lot about magic. I figured you might have picked up something." Arthur sighs. "I should have known that was too much to ask." Merlin gives him a dirty look. He can almost forget that they're holding hands, with how natural their banter has become. Everything seems normal again.

Merlin just hopes this isn't like their other "normal" patrols, because they always include getting attacked by bandits. In his current predicament, he'd really rather that not happen.

* * *

Merlin has terrible luck.

The patrol does end up being far too normal for his liking.

The night is fine. Percival is a surprisingly good cook, and the others all pitch in to make sure that Merlin doesn't have to do too much. He and Arthur share a bedroll, which makes Gwaine almost cry from suppressing his laughter, but it's the only way to ensure that they stay in contact through the night. Merlin doesn't mind the proximity; the night is cold and Arthur is warm.

Then they start on their way back to Camelot, Merlin riding behind Arthur, and they get attacked by bandits. _Of course._

Merlin places his hand on Arthur's back as Arthur uses his sword, fighting from atop his horse. It's going pretty well, even though Merlin doesn't dare so much as breathe spells.

Then one of the bandits manages to yank Arthur off his horse and he falls head-first onto the ground. His horse rears, hitting his assailant, and then tries to leave. Merlin is left gasping for air, trying to control the horse but he can't, he's having trouble staying conscious because his lungs need air and he does the only thing he can and throws himself off the horse.

He lands on his right arm, which breaks under him with a sickening crack. He staggers to his feet, using magic to trip the bandit who races toward him and position his sword so he impales himself on it. He's faintly aware of someone calling his name - who is it? The voice is familiar but he can't quite place it - but all he sees with his graying vision is Arthur, still motionless on the ground, protected by Leon. Merlin knows he needs to get to Arthur as quickly as he can, but he can't move if he can't breathe.

But he has to move anyway.

He uses precious magic he shouldn't waste as he sends branches down, trips bandits, makes them lose their grips on their swords. He's a few feet from Arthur when his knees give out. He can't breathe, his arm hurts, and his head is spinning.

Then he feels strong hands under him, and even though they don't help him breathe, he feels safer with them there, and then he's laid down on the ground and his hand touches another and he can breathe again.

He thinks he might have lost consciousness for a few minutes, but the world slowly swims into focus as the knights carry him and Arthur away to a new camping spot. Things sharpen abruptly when Gwaine sets his broken arm. Merlin lets out a hoarse shout. "Sorry," Gwaine immediately apologizes as he grabs a stick and begins splinting Merlin's arm.

"It's alright," Merlin replies, his throat aching as if he'd been screaming. Percival offers him some water. "How's Arthur?" Merlin asks, turning to look at him.

"He'll have a nasty headache when he wakes up, but I think he'll be alright," Percival replies. Merlin realizes his hand is tied to Arthur's like some sort of bizarre parody of a handfasting ritual. "It was the only way to make sure you kept in contact with him," Percival adds, looking almost embarrassed.

"How far are we from Camelot?" Merlin asks hoarsely, directing the question mostly towards Leon, who's in charge until Arthur wakes. Leon frowns.

"Longer than ideal," he replies, looking around. "Maybe a day or so. It could be much worse." Neither Leon nor Merlin mentions that it could also be much better.

"Arthur's horse-" Merlin begins.

"Elyan's going to find it," Leon interrupts. "Are you alright?"

"Could be worse," Merlin replies. His head is splitting and his arm is aching. Still, he's alive.

"Percival and I are going to see if we can find a more protected camping spot," Leon tells Merlin. "Gwaine will stay to protect you and Arthur."

"Alright," Merlin replies. This could be the perfect opportunity to see if he could use his magic to break the witch's curse. Merlin doubts he'll get a better chance. With all the knights gone but Gwaine, who Merlin isn't sure would give him up even if he did see, Merlin's in the safest position he could be in to use magic. Of course, that assumes that Arthur doesn't wake up. But considering Merlin can't get more than an arm's length away from Arthur, he doesn't have a better option.

"I'm gonna look around a bit, alright?" Gwaine tells Merlin. "I'll stay close by. I just want to make sure we weren't followed. I think a few bandits escaped."

"Alright," Merlin agrees, watching as Gwaine creeps away. Immediately, Merlin uses his magic to search for the magic of his curse. It's a tether, he realizes. A tether between himself and Arthur. The obvious solution is to cut it, but Merlin isn't quite sure that'll break the spell. It very well might kill him, or even potentially kill both of them. It's not a risk Merlin wants to take. A bit more digging...

"Merlin?" Arthur groans. Merlin closes his eyes quickly, releasing the magic. Once he's sure his eyes won't be gold anymore, he opens them.

"Arthur?" Merlin asks. "How are you feeling?"

"I got knocked away during the fight," Arthur says. His words are slurring slightly, but Merlin's pretty sure his pupils are the same size, and he seems to focus well enough. That's always what Gaius look at after a head injury. "You- Were you alright?"

"I'm fine," Merlin assures Arthur.

"Your arm," Arthur replies, sounding concerned. Merlin looks down at it.

"I had to throw myself off the horse," he admits. "It's broken. But it'll heal. How's your head?"

"It feels like I fell off a horse and hit the ground head first," Arthur replies. "Funnily enough, I seem to remember doing just that."

"Well, if you're well enough to be a prat, I think you'll be alright," Merlin mutters. Arthur grins slightly. For a moment, Merlin worries that his fiddling made something go wrong with the curse, because something in his chest feels strange. But the feeling goes away, so he must be mistaken.

"Where are the knights?" Arthur asks, pulling himself upright. "And why are we tied together?" he adds when he sees their hands.

"We're tied together to keep us in contact, Percival said," Merlin replies. "Elyan's finding your horse, Leon and Percival are looking for a place to camp, and Gwaine is nearby. He wanted to check that we weren't followed."

"And we weren't," Gwaine states as he reappears. He inclines his head at Arthur when he sees that he's up.

"How far are we from Camelot?" Arthur asks, looking around. Merlin sees him wince and figures that his head must hurt worse than he's admitting.

"About a day or so," Gwaine replies. "We'll probably be able to get there by the day after tomorrow." With Arthur and Merlin both injured and still forced to share a horse, they won't be able to move too quickly. Merlin suspects they're more than a day out at that pace, but he can't be sure.

"Do you think Gaius will be able to sort this curse out once we get there?" Arthur asks. Merlin shrugs. Normally, he and Gaius sort these things out in a somewhat-less-than-legal way, which will be difficult as long as Arthur's there.

"It might wear off on its own," Merlin offers. "Who knows?" It won't wear off - it's a strong spell and it's firmly placed - but that can work as an excuse if Merlin figures out a way to get it off them. He can try again that night when Arthur falls asleep.

"Magic curses don't normally seem to be that easy," Arthur counters. "What exactly did that sorceress say?"

"She said, 'I place on you a curse of your own making,'" Merlin quotes. Arthur frowns.

"How is this a curse of your own making? It doesn't make sense." Merlin shrugs.

"I don't know. For some reason I just can't breathe without you."

And, oh, suddenly Merlin understands.

 _They're on their first pint, and Merlin is beginning to feel a little lightheaded. "You drunk already, Merlin?" Gwaine asks with a laugh, clapping Merlin on the shoulder._

 _"'M not drunk," Merlin complains, slurring his words just the tiniest bit. Elyan laughs._

 _"You're a lightweight, aren't you?"_

 _"He weighs about five pounds," Percival remarks. "Course he is."_

 _"Can I have a water for my friend?" Gwaine calls to the barman. "A glass of your finest water, please." Elyan chuckles into his beer. The barman slides over a glass of water, which Gwaine passes to Merlin._

 _"Keep yourself hydrated," he advises. "You'll regret it in the morning if you don't."_

 _"Another round?" Elyan asks, holding out his empty cup. Gwaine and Percival laugh as Percival pours more beer into their cups. Merlin looks into his, which is barely half drunk._

 _"Just stick to your first," Percival suggests, clapping Merlin on the back lightly._

 _"To Arthur!" Gwaine cries, holding up his second pint._

 _"To Arthur!" Elyan and Percival chorus. Merlin holds up his own glass and mumbles a slightly delayed "to Arthur" of his own._

 _"What's Arthur like when we're not there?" Gwaine asks Merlin curiously. "When he's not surrounded by other people. What's he like when he's alone?"_

 _"Grumpy," Merlin replies. The others howl with laughter. "But he can be nice too. He's more himself when he's alone. There's no one to put on an act for, you know?"_

 _"D'you think you're ever going to quit working for him?" Elyan asks. "He can't be the nicest employer."_

 _"I won't quit," Merlin replies emphatically. It's very important that the others understand this. "Arthur is my destiny. He's- I need to stay with him. It's like..." How can Merlin describe how he feels about Arthur? There's only one way to say it. "It's like I can't breathe without him."_

"Merlin?" Arthur asks. He and Gwaine are looking at him, concern on their faces. "Merlin, what on earth are you doing? You're miles away."

"Sorry," Merlin apologizes. Everything's clicked now. That was what the sorceress meant when she said it was a curse of his own making. She took Merlin's own words and twisted them, bringing them into reality.

So now how does he get rid of the curse?

"Merlin, we've-" Leon's voice cuts off abruptly as he gets close enough to see that Arthur's awake. "Sire," he states immediately, inclining his head. "We've found a place to camp."

"And I've got your horse," Elyan added, approaching from the other side with reins in his hand. "We'll be ready to start out for Camelot in the morning."

"Good," Arthur declares, standing. Merlin scrambles to his feet as well. "Where is this camping place, Leon?"

"This way, Sire," Leon replies starting to walk. Arthur follows and Merlin quickly matches his pace. His hand is still bound to Arthur's. Arthur's twisted his so their fingers are entwined. Merlin really likes holding hands with Arthur.

Percival has been setting things up, it seems. When they arrive at the new campsite, bedrolls are already placed and a small fire is burning cheerfully. A pot hangs over it with a bubbling soup.

"Food should be ready soon," Percival retorts. Merlin could really get used to this. Then, as his broken arm twinges, an idea suddenly occurs to him.

"You'll have to untie us," he states. Leon blinks.

"Why?" he asks. Merlin uses his bound hand to gesture at his broken arm.

"How am I going to eat?" he retorts. The only current options are to drag Arthur's hand along with every bite or to be fed. Merlin flat-out refuses to do either.

"Oh, yes, of course." Leon fumbles with the strip of cloth tying Merlin to Arthur. Merlin takes the moment to wonder where the cloth came from. It's the same color as the knights' cloaks. So is the bandage on Merlin's arm, for that matter. When Merlin looks up, he sees that Gwaine isn't wearing his cape. He should have known it would be him.

There's maybe half a second of no contact as Merlin and Arthur maneuver into a sitting position, then Arthur sets one hand on Merlin's knee. Percival hands them each a bowl of soup, which Merlin awkwardly balances on his lap while using his one good hand to eat. Arthur presses their legs flush together so he can use both hands. Merlin tries to stay as still as he possibly can. Arthur's body is very close to his. He's almost as warm as the soup.

Merlin will have to break the spell soon, he knows. He'd prefer for it to break before they reach Camelot. Ideally, it'll happen tonight. But the soup feels so warm in his belly, and Merlin is so tired as Arthur drags him to their bedroll ("I'm tired, _Mer_ lin, so you'll just have to lie there awake if you're not"), so he makes a deal with himself. He always wakes up earlier than Arthur. He'll sleep first, then when he wakes he'll try to break the spell.

And about five seconds after he promises himself that, Merlin curls up in the most comfortable position he can manage, his hand tied to Arthur's once more, and falls asleep.

He wakes at dawn. Arthur is sound asleep next to him. Merlin knows from experience that he won't wake easily. Percival is on guard, sitting a few feet away with his back against a tree. He's not looking at Merlin, and as long as Merlin keeps quiet, he probably won't turn around any time soon.

Closing his eyes, Merlin feels for the spell again. The connection between Merlin and Arthur is firm. Curiously, Merlin takes a closer look. The connection is spun out of fragments of the memory from the night out drinking, bound together with a healthy dose of magic. Merlin realizes with surprise that some of the magic is his own. A curse of his own making must require some of his own power.

Slowly, Merlin drains his power away from the connection. It immediately withers, although it remains between them. Merlin manages to twist his hand so he's no longer touching Arthur's. He can't breathe, but it only feels like holding his breath, now. No longer does it immediately make his lungs burn.

Cautiously, Merlin examines the bases of the connection, where it roots itself in both Merlin and Arthur. Merlin realizes it goes from his heart to Arthur's. Tugging at it gently reveals some give, but Merlin's afraid to give it the sharp yank he thinks it requires. What does he know about spells like this? One book he has mentioned memory spells, but they weren't this sort. Magic can choke someone, but this is more specific. This isn't a spell Merlin knows. It also isn't one he'll have the luxury of studying any time soon. There's only one thing he can do. Doing his best to cushion both himself and Arthur, Merlin yanks the bond away from his chest.

The second it snaps, the whole thing vanishes. Arthur's eyes fly open. "Merlin-" he states immediately, turning to him. Merlin knows his eyes will be glowing gold in the darkness, so he does the first thing he can think of.

Surging forward, Merlin slams his lips against Arthur's.

The kiss is messy. That's only to be expected, considering how rushed it is. But Arthur doesn't pull away, and Merlin can't bring himself to stop either. Finally, Merlin pulls away.

"Merlin," Arthur whispers again. Merlin realizes the cloth binding their hands has come undone; they're not touching. Arthur's eyes widen as he comes to the same realization. "You- You're breathing."

"The spell must be gone," Merlin whispers. Arthur blinks dumbly.

"Was it the kiss?" he asks. "Why-"

"I shouldn't have," Merlin says, trying to crawl out of the bedroll. Arthur grabs his wrist before he can.

"Why did you kiss me?" he demands. It's his I'm-the-king-and-I-demand-answers voice. Merlin shrinks away from it.

"I don't know," he admits. Arthur's face falls.

"Did you enjoy it?" he asks, and there's a touch of desperation in his tone. Merlin frowns.

"But- Gwen-"

"If not for Gwen," Arthur interrupts. "Would you do that again?"

"I- Yes," Merlin admits. "But you're _married_ , Arthur-"

"And I know for a fact that Gwen won't mind an addition to our relationship, not if it's you," Arthur finishes. "You love her too, don't you?"

Merlin hadn't allowed himself to think about Gwen like that for a long time, but if he does-

"Yes," he admits again. "But you two are married-"

"And we love you too," Arthur declares. "Gwen can talk to you when we get back to Camelot but I can promise that she won't be upset." Merlin stares at Arthur blankly. "Now, I think you promised me another kiss?"

"I didn't promise anything," Merlin protests. He's still not sure about this. But, on the other hand... "But here's one to stop your whining." Merlin leans in and kisses Arthur. The smile under his lips makes him think he made the right choice.

* * *

Merlin has never been so worried by the sight of Camelot before. Arthur shoots him a look from his horse. The knights weren't told what happened that night in the woods, only that the spell must have worn off. Merlin can't help but feel like he's holding a terrible secret. Arthur is a married man. No matter what he says about Gwen not minding, Merlin can't help but worry. Wouldn't any woman be upset by another man kissing her husband?

"Arthur!" Gwen cries as she flies down the steps of the castle, rushing up to the newly-arrived group. "Where have you been? You said this would take two days!"

"We ran into a few complications," Arthur replies, swinging off his horse. Merlin tries to dismount as well, but it's difficult to do one-handed. Without missing a beat, Arthur goes over to help him.

"Oh, Merlin, what happened to your arm?" Gwen cries, rushing over to him. "Are the rest of you alright?"

"Arthur hit his head, but it's thick enough that he's alright," Elyan teases. The knights laugh. Gwen reaches up on tiptoe to run her hands gently over Arthur's head. He grabs her hands in his and presses kisses onto her palms.

"I'm fine, my love," he tells her quietly. "Merlin and I will go see Gaius, if it makes you feel better."

"Then I want to know what happened on this trip," Gwen instructs Arthur firmly. "I have the feeling it was a bit more than you'd anticipated."

"As usual, you would be right," Arthur replies. "Merlin and I will tell you everything."

"After you see Gaius," Gwen reminds Arthur. He offers her an indulgent smile.

"After we see Gaius," he repeats. "Come on, Merlin."

"I'm glad you're back," Gwen tells Merlin with a sweet smile. He smiles back, guilt gnawing at his stomach. Arthur takes his arm when he fails to move.

"We're off to see Gaius, remember?" he mutters as he drags Merlin down a hallway. "I would have thought you could get there on your own, considering you live with him."

"How are you so casual about this?" Merlin protests. "You and I- You're married to Gwen!"

"Am I really? I hadn't noticed," Arthur replies sarcastically. "We'll talk to Gwen when we can be alone with her. You can grovel all you like, and if you're still feeling guilty after, then we never need to kiss again. If she manages to convince you that she's okay with it, _which she is_ , then we can discuss things from there. Happy?"

"Fine," Merlin mutters under his breath. He ignores Arthur's own less-than-kind muttering as they make their way to Gaius.

Arthur's visit is short. Gaius checks his eyes, feels for a bump on his head, and prescribes rest. When it comes to Merlin, Gaius insists he stay longer. Merlin, of course, knows why, but Arthur is quickly irritated.

"I need Merlin," he tells Gaius.

"I'm afraid Merlin will not be able to continue his duties for quite some time," Gaius tells Arthur firmly.

"It's not that," Merlin murmurs.

"Queen Guinevere wishes to hear what happened, and she wishes for Merlin to be there," Arthur declares, in his I'm-the-king-so-you'll-do-as-I-say voice. Gaius holds firm against it, one of the few people who can.

"Merlin will be able to join you soon, but I must examine his arm in greater depth," he states.

"Just go, Arthur," Merlin adds. "I'll catch up with you soon."

Arthur, quite clearly, is displeased by the compromise, but he does leave, stomping out in an exaggeratedly loud fashion like a small child. Gaius rolls his eyes.

"Tell me what happened," he tells Merlin as he begins to unwrap the makeshift bandage from around his arm. Merlin takes a deep breath and relays the entire story, save for the kisses. He has a feeling he knows how Gaius will react to them, and he doesn't want to hear it.

"That sort of spell is called a reflection curse," Gaius tells Merlin when he finishes. "They feed on the strength of the victim, so for you it would have been very powerful. It might not have lasted much longer after you drained your power from it. In the future, don't try to break spells with brute force."

"I won't," Merlin promises. Gaius frowns.

"And Arthur is still unaware of your magic?" he asks. Merlin nods. "Good." Gaius has finished bandaging his arm, so he leans back and allows Merlin to stand. "Go find Arthur, then." Merlin nods and leaves.

Arthur, as it turns out, hasn't gotten very far. "About time," he drawls when Merlin gets down the stairs. "You're incredibly slow, did you know that?"

"Prat," Merlin mutters under his breath. Arthur ignores him.

"Gwen's waiting for us in our bedchamber," he tells Merlin. "Come on, hurry up!" Guilt gnaws at Merlin's stomach at the thought of facing Gwen, but he hurries up anyway. When they reach the door, Arthur knocks twice, then twice again. Merlin hears footsteps from inside the room, then Gwen opens the door.

"Come in," she tells them, ushering Arthur and Merlin into the room. She closes the door behind them as Arthur half-shoves Merlin into a chair, sitting down across the table from him. Gwen takes a seat as well.

"I shouldn't-" Merlin tries to stand, but Arthur kicks him in the leg hard enough that he drops back into the chair. Gwen shoots Arthur a dirty look.

"You've never been one to stand on ceremony, _Mer_ lin," Arthur retorts. "Sit down."

"Tell me what happened when you were gone," Gwen tells Arthur and Merlin seriously. Merlin studiously begins examining the table.

"Well, it started when Merlin was an idiot, as usual," Arthur declares. Merlin is startled into looking up.

"I was not!" he protests. Arthur raises an eyebrow.

"You don't call running after a sorceress on your own being an idiot?" Arthur asks. Merlin rolls his eyes.

"You did _what_?" Gwen cries. "You need to tell me what happened. Do not leave out a single detail."

Arthur looks over at Merlin, then he begins the story. Merlin pipes in every once in a while with corrections or added information. He takes over entirely in telling what happened when they fought the bandits after Arthur was knocked out. Every word leads them closer to the kiss, and Merlin is dreading it. Gwen was exiled due to her feelings for Lancelot, and that was before she and Arthur were even married. What will happen to Merlin?

Then they reach the morning of the kiss, and Merlin resigns himself to his fate, whatever it may be.

"I was sleeping," Arthur says, "and then something woke me up. I'm not certain what it was, just this _feeling_."

"It woke me up too," Merlin lies. He's about to admit that he kissed Arthur; he's not going to admit he has magic in the same conversation.

"And then Merlin kissed me," Arthur finishes. Gwen looks slowly from Arthur to Merlin.

"Did he?" she asks slowly. Merlin squirms under the weight of her stare.

"I'm sorry," he apologizes. "I shouldn't have done it. Arthur is married to you."

Gwen hums in thought. "There's only one thing we can do," she announces. Merlin braces himself for the worst. "Merlin, you kissed my husband, so now it's only fair that you kiss me as well."

That was in no way what Merlin had been expecting.

"You scared him, love," Arthur scolds teasingly. Gwen smiles at Merlin, looking just as sweet and kind as she did when Merlin first met her. She leans towards Merlin until their faces are barely inches apart. Merlin wonders for half a second if the spell has returned, because his lungs don't seem to be capable of working properly, but there's no magic, just Gwen.

"Do you want to kiss me?" Gwen asks quietly. Merlin looks from her to Arthur, who nods encouragingly.

"Yes," Merlin whispers, reflecting that this must be the strangest conversation ever had.

"Then go ahead," Gwen tells Merlin, and she cups the back of his head with a hand and then they're kissing. Merlin feels like he's flying. His kiss with Gwen is far less messy than his first kiss with Arthur. It's more tentative, with Gwen's lips hardly really touching his. Merlin doesn't want the moment to ever end.

But it does, of course, as Gwen pulls away. "That was..." Merlin whispers, not quite sure he can find a word that describes it. Gwen smiles.

"Well, does that make us even?" she asks teasingly. Arthur shakes his head, struggling to keep his expression solemn.

"Merlin and I kissed multiple times," he tells Gwen. He leans over and presses another quick kiss to Merlin's lips. "Oops, there's another one."

"I suppose we'll need to kiss some more to make up for it," Gwen tells Merlin seriously. Her eyes sparkle too much for her bluff to work.

"I suppose we will," Merlin replies with a smile. Gwen stands, holding a hand out to Merlin. He accepts it tentatively. She squeezes his hand slightly as she pulls him upright. Arthur stands and goes to Merlin's other side, a hand on his shoulder.

With Arthur at one side and Gwen at the other, Merlin can breathe just fine.


End file.
